Look Mommy I Blogged

It's my first time...be gentle.

Okay, as a child/adolescent/teenager/non-adult there is nothing more irritating than watching a parent/adult/senior adult/non-young person try to figure out something technical, IE: your parent's first VCR that always blinked 12:00.

There is a standard facial expression that any person over 50 has to make when contemplating something beyond their immediate capabilities. My wife (Janelle) and I have come to term this simply "The Old People Face". This face can show up in a myriad of situations stemming from technically advanced gadgetry to being overwhelmed in traffic or seemingly lost in a busy super market.

Allow me to describe it as best I can. You should try to recreate the face for your own understanding as you follow along.

First is the head tilt; this is key. You must tilt your head depending on your glasses prescription and whether or not you are wearing them. If donning spectacles one's head will tilt down, thus raising the eyes to see over the lenses. If sporting specs with bifocals the head will tilt up, thus lowering the eyes in order to see through the higher-powered lens. If no glasses are worn this is usually an indication of far-sightedness and thus one must push their head back and slightly to one side, in order to create the necessary extended range of vision and more notably for the observer a horribly scary looking double to triple chin.

Head tilt; check. Next comes the slight to extreme nose crinkle. The crinkling of the nose also varies based on eyesight and the need to possibly squint the eyes, and perhaps equally to the complexity of the item of consternation. For example setting the timer on a microwave may only merit a slight nose crinkle, while a Blackberry or an Ipod might very well open the nasal passages into airplane hangers given the item's small size and overall complexity.

Nose crinkle; check. The last feature in "The Old People Face" is the most distinguishable, and by far the most humorous for the savvy observer of the geriatric facial contortion...The gaping mouth. Yes, the parted lips, gums slightly exposed, coffee breath spilling out into the air. Right now you can see Aunt Edna trying to microwave leftover Thanksgiving goodies, or Uncle Gus peering a hole into the remote control he's holding with both hands. Or perhaps it's the aged couple at the stop light with a seemingly panicked look on their face as they've just realized they are in the wrong lane to turn into Luby's...my God the worst has happened.

These three facial elements culminate beautifully into a symphony of an old person's outward expression of inward bewilderment.

Now put it altogether and give it a try. I bet you can't wait until the next time you are with your parents or grandparents you are going to be watching, waiting for them to try and figure something out.

Even as an adult, though I may have slightly better patience than my adolescent self, watching my mom operate her cell phone raises my blood pressure to unhealthy levels. I have to fight the urge at times to not yell at her...It's not a bomb!! If you press the number 3 instead of the "end call" button, it's not going to explode, furthermore if you just flip it closed the call will end just the same than if you blankly stared at the phone for two minutes, pressed the wrong button, and then closed it! Uahhh, there I said it.

So here I am a man in my late twenties who hates pop-culture. I don't own an Ipod, or a Blackberry, I hate texting...I don't get it just call and have a two second conversation instead of a ping-pong match of made up abbreviations. Now don't get me wrong, I can text and do on occasion, but I don't abbreviate. I guess that's kind of like smoking marijuana without inhaling...I digress. I do own a laptop, and a Razor phone, and I can proudly install all of my own home-theatre equipment.

Recently however, a very real and scary thought occurred to me; I'm slipping. I'm not keeping up with the times. What if Ella (my soon to be 2 year old) hands me one of her toys in a few months? What if it is complicated and small and hard to read and my big-fat-old-fingers can't push the tiny little buttons. I find myself methodically turning the gadget this way and that only to notice my head is slightly cocked to one side, and I feel tension in my nose, and all the while my lips are gaping open as I am breathing through my mouth.

"This can't be happening to me, I'm becoming my technologically challenged ancestors." So while blogging may not be the most technically advanced pastime, I have decided to join the ranks in an effort to ward off the aging process and dip just slightly into this pop-culture phenomenon of letting strangers read your diary.

Look at me I blogged all by myself!